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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?